In June I left a job I loved to pursue a job invitation at a different school not in the district that was presented to be deeply related to my passion of technology. I started work with hopes and dreams, just like I had done in all the years I had previously taught since 1994. However, it was not much into the first week when I knew something was wrong. Going to #edcampMSP and spending time with like-minded friends confirmed on my heart that I was not imagining things. As much as I tried to fix what I could and change myself to adapt to the new school, I could not and in December of 2016, I took a risk and quit my job post. It was the Sunday evening just before TIES2016 when I pressed send, and I was thankful because I had two days off due to presenting at and attending the conference and thankful that I could be with friends at that time.
I was sad. I was sad that I left my friends at the school where I used to work and I wondered for all those months how I could have made such a grave misstep. I was sad that I came home crying almost every day from the new job and it was effecting my mindset and home life. I was sad that my working at that school didn't work out and in order to save my soul from crushing any further, I needed to look elsewhere.
I learned a great deal about myself in those short months, but what I learned the most was that just like how not every student fits every school, not every teacher does
That was a freeing thought and it gave me hope.
After trying to figure out many scenarios, I started working as a full time sub at the school around the corner from my house, one mile away. I have worked each day with no days off and working many areas, but with most of my time spent in Special Ed--ASD and STEM. I knew that it was a right choice beyond a shadow of a doubt. Throughout this time, I was able to date a school, date the staff, date the system for what will be just over 5 months. I was able to understand the infrastructure, the how and why of policies and dynamics and fall in love with the heartbeat of the school as well as recover from my earlier experience of frustration and fall in love with teaching.
Did you ever consider that schools have their own heartbeat? They have a pulse of their own and my heart, and as a person of faith, the heart of my creator must beat in unity with the heartbeat of the school. Finding that heartbeat is essential and when it is found, and when the blood is moving and it is fluid and when their is oxygen flowing through the blood, you have found magic.
As usual, the magic was by stepping away from the shore, and being willing to make enormous changes. I was terrified, but that didn't hold me back from not trying. I was scared. You should read my journal, but if you did you would see how the hand of God led me to resign, led me to rethink and led me to the right place where my heartbeat for education matches the administration and the staff. My faith is important to me. Each moment was unmistakably and supernaturally planned for me and unfolded in front of me like a gift from God for taking a gigantic risk. I wanted to just say thank you to those who stood in the gap with me including my friends and family who continuously reminded me why I teach and why it is still a worthy profession. Also at that time, two people came out with a book that was new and published by Dave Burgess Publishing. That book was Escaping The School Leader's Dunk Tank and I found in them a friendship and found in them comfort in knowing that I was not alone, nor was I completely out of my mind. Thank you Rick Jetter and Rebecca Coda.
I am happy to tell you that there is a good ending to this, that taking a risk was worth it all. I am happy to tell you that I will be in a space I love and I cannot wait for fall to start. Had I not taken the risk, I would be ever so lost and fallen out of love with my passion for teaching and learning. It was a bumpy road of emotions, but mostly living my faith out loud.
Maybe you too are wondering about something in your life and wondering if you should make a change, press pause and listen to your heartbeat and lean in to hear the heartbeat of your Creator and answers will come when they need to. I promise.